A Moment of Solitude

BLOG POST

photo courtesy of LIL RAMOS

Whenever I get the chance to really dig into the deep recesses of my inner vulnerabilities, I always try to scrutinize my erroneous decisions in life. 

Have I really lived life according to how I planned it? No. I planned a lot but a lot of times I go out of the road towards the fulfilment of my dreams. It is not an issue of how I can reach my dreams but it is an issue of when I will pursue them. Never did I doubt myself that I can have what I wanted to possess but then, I lack the perseverance and the patience I needed in order to achieve my goals.

It is ironic because from sixth grade up, my motto had been: TRY AND TRY UNTIL YOU SUCCEED. Only to realize that I never lived up to that particular adage.

When will this end? When will I not give up? Such questions are really hard to answer for in the realities of my everyday life, I have come to a conclusion that we can never have everything that we wish for. The pain that caused me because of my past failures were indeed a big dilemma that I faced back when I was still a weak and dewy-eyed female creation.


Now that I am brave and skeptical enough to face the world and its incongruous constituents, would I now know how to NOT LET GO and not only hope but strive for success? 


I do not need to be motivated in order to work harder for my bright future. What I needed before are LOADS OF PATIENCE, PROWESS and PERSEVERANCE. Before, I never exercise my courage in the eyes of the public. I do not speak out and be optimistic enough to believe that what I am saying is true and that I need to exercise my right in exposing the truth and nothing but the truth (so help me God). And I was not a patient individual. I was never patient towards anyone or anything. Most of the time, I rush things up and it was quite embarassing to admit that because of my impatience I made decisions that I regret in the end.

photo courtesy of LIL RAMOS

I no longer want to regret anything that I have decided to do. I want to move forward and have the courage to face all the consquences of my past actions. I am not afraid of anyone or anything. I am afraid of my own self- afraid that I'd get depressed again should I fail once more in reaching the stars and if that failure happened in an unforgivable manner- more graver than my previous incompetences.